I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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