Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
40s are totally the cure
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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