Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
