He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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