Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
