he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
