Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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