i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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