hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
