pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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