Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
