I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
