Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
