I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The power of my boobs compel you
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
