then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
