And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
