Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
