Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
