eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
