i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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