I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
