She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
