She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
home. puking in laundry basket.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
