I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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