you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
