Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
