it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
