but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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