; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
be right there i have to get my cape
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
