i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
