respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
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