I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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