I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
