HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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