so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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