This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
