So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
