dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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