oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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