I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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