he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
