it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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