Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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