just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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