Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
