K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
