I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
