I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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