i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
