I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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