She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
